Curated articles on estranged from parents

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“I have been estranged from my parents for six years. I had a very traumatic event in my mid-20s where my mom and dad decided to protect the family’s reputation over my health and well-being. This comes after having grown up with a parent who flew into completely uncontrollable rages in both scary private moments and extremely humiliating public scenes.”

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“The million-dollar question parents are asking of course is “How can I avoid becoming estranged from my kid?!?” The answer is actually not all that complicated. We parents, it turns out, just need to quiet our egos and shut up long enough to listen. And who do we need to be listening to?”

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“In my coaching practice, I work with people who have extremely challenging relationships with siblings, parents and children. For some it is the whole family. Many people start their sessions by asking me about the word estranged and its meaning. Does it apply to them?”

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“The short answer is “no.” If an adult child decides to have no contact with a parent or parents, there is nothing a parent can do legally or otherwise to compel their child to reconnect with them.”

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“Youngsters today are understanding the importance of mental health, and they are distancing themselves from conflicts and potential abuse from the family. Although distancing from family can be beneficial for the estranger, the estranged member might face a severe sense of loss, grief, and rejection.”

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“Rejected parents can start to heal (and potentially to shift the relationship) by “owning” their pain — not the pain they’re purported to have caused the child, but rather the parents’ own pain about the estrangement.”

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“Young people no longer feel obligated to stay attached to moms and dads whose actions are detrimental to their mental and emotional well-being. Unlike previous generations, they don’t feel required to put up with someone’s unacceptable behavior just because they’re related to them. This dramatic change is due, in large part, to the topic being discussed openly and often on social media.”

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“If you're in the difficult position of having to limit or go no contact with family members, you're not alone. Because of cultural taboos, you may not talk about your estrangement issues. You may have felt misunderstood or judged whenever your tried to broach the topic.”

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“Family estrangement is the deliberate, ongoing distancing or complete cessation of contact with one or more family members, typically following a sustained period of harm, boundary violations, or relational dysfunction that other repair attempts couldn’t resolve. It’s not a single decision but a process that often unfolds over years of low contact, failed conversations, and incremental grief before full estrangement occurs.”

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“Some are immediately legible in description, others are not, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that contact became unendurable, damaging, or, in my case, brought out the very worst in who I was. As you’ll see in the answers below, it is rarely swift. It is rarely without pain. But that doesn’t mean it’s not necessary.”